I asked for it. I wanted it. I suppressed it for years. I told myself it was abnormal and destructive, and occupied my mind in hopes it would just go away.
It didn’t. It lingered there waiting for the right time to take over. It’s patience was as strong as mine. But then … it’s patience was mine. It was my patience that caved at the same time as my patience prevailed. Pron sex video big tits.
It was a twelve foot fall that changed the game. A solid crack of my forehead striking the ice from a deadfall from twelve feet above. I had overcome other situations before. But not this one. The doctor that put in some twenty stitches had a hard time believing I didn’t loose consciousness. But it was more than anyone could imagine. It was an explosion at the nerve endings. The same nerves that delivered the sensation at lightning speeds throughout my body and to their receptors in my brain. Those receptors processed the electrical stimulation, and presented it for interpretation. Everything was normal, until that point. A reset, or restart, perhaps? A body and mind conditioned for expedience and productivity, now awashed in relaxation and contentment. A different view of the same ole same ole, making new what was old.
Fast forward six months … I was having a conversation with my betterhalf. During that conversation, I told her I needed something. I couldn’t expect her to understand, hell, I couldn’t understand myself, but then I asked her to hurt me.
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The conversation continued for a short time, then for a short time after that we went back to normal. Hours, not days. I think she was sitting on the floor playing with the cat when I took the stick from the window blind and dropped it to the floor in front of her. I was serious and I needed it. My ways of dealing with things had lost effectiveness. I was slipping and off my game. I wanted my reset.
She beat the shit out of me with that thing. Her arsenal has grown since, but the blind stick remains my favorite.. After she was finished, I remember thinking that any sane and rational being would ask “what were you thinking?” … but then I must not be sane and rational. I must be beyond that. I asked “why do I want more?”
I have haphazardly searched for an answer to that question, but I’m not sure I want to know. Does it matter at this point?