Tag: virgin

My Kinky Virginity, part 2

losing virginity

I am about to begin a new and interesting point in my life. For the first time in more than a decade I am moving forward and choosing a partner. It’s funny, because it’s kink it feels like I’m loosing a new kind of virginity and for the first time I am reevaluating my decision. I have never questioned my first choice, but now I am not even considering making a similar one and it’s making me wonder. I know that now I need to know and trust my partner. I need them to have similar tastes to me, share my kink and the truth is, I have to feel safe with this man. He’s going to do some wonderfully twisted things with me, many of them without me being able to tell him in the moment it’s what I want. So I need him to know, I need him to be on the same page as me.

The first time, it was pretty basic, some getting to know you that completely excluded any discussion of sex, some major flirting, a few kisses over a few days and then in the moment some heavy petting, some oral and then sex. This time it has to be more. I need him to know that if I’m on top chasing it but can’t let go that if he spanks my ass or wraps his fingers around my neck it’ll send me over the edge with fireworks. That I love to talk dirty and hear him reciprocate, but if he degrades me I’m completely out of the moment wondering why he thinks such terrible things about me.

These are pretty small things but they are part of the larger picture. If I’m going to give control of my body over to someone, I need to know they have my best interest at heart. But in the same breath, I’m walking out of a 12 year relationship and have zero desire to walk into another. This is an incredibly fine line to walk.
It’s made me think about my first time and why I made the decision I did then and how it will affect the one I’m making now. It’s making me remember that I need to trust myself, my instincts and that nobody knows me and my needs as well as I do. Remembering that summer helps me remember that I’ve got this, it gives me confidence that I’ll make the best decision for myself regardless if it’s one that is popular or commonly held as normal. I didn’t loose my first virginity conventionally, why would I think the kinky one would be any different?

Read “My Kinky Virginity”, part 1

My Kinky Virginity, part 1

kinky virginity

When I was 18 I decided it was time, I was ready to lose my virginity, but I knew the on again off agin friend with benefits I’d been messing around with was not the one. I already liked him too much and if he was my first I’d be stuck, I’d never be able to walk away. He already had too many firsts. First time I was naked with a man, first dick I ever saw, touched, sucked; first person to touch, see or lick my pussy. Hell he was even with me the first time I got high. I was not giving him my virginity.

I’d been sexually active for a couple years, I just didn’t cross that line. I dated some sweet boys who never got far, but that fwb, I just couldn’t resist him. Maybe it’s because most of those other boys chased me and this one held me at arms length or maybe it’s because I knew that if I got too close to him I’d be sunk.

See, my dad was an avid believer that we, my brother and i, were too young to get into serious relationships that we should date a lot of people, spend time with friends and focus on having fun. Long term or serious relationships were strongly discouraged.

So I was 18, had never been in a serious relationship and was ready to join the club, give up my card. So, we went on vacation that summer and I met a boy, he and a few of his friends came each of the first three days to see me on the beach. Invited my brother and I to come ride jet skis at their place on the bay, then to a nice dinner, and our last night they were going to throw a party and we were invited. He was as good of a choice as any, he was close enough to my age and incredibly sexy and absolutely what I knew my type to be. So, It happened. It was a great time and a good memory. A sweet guy in a beautiful place and it was before cell phones and social media so that was it, we never saw or spoke to one another again.

Is it strange that I’ve never once regretted it? Because I don’t, I never have and I still to this day believe it was the right decision for me.

Go to part 2